“Realizing who I’m not – a journey to the heart” -Reflections at the aftermath of a beautiful trip to Chiang Mai
Last year our dear friend Sebastian came to visit us for three months. He came to Chiang Mai to grow emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. He started his stay with a one month detox program which then transitioned in to physical exercise and nutrition habits together with emotional and spiritual practices. Thank you Sebastian for trusting us with your time and love. See you soon!
Looking back it’s hard to remember the details. Though I do remember that the trip was not what I had expected beforehand. All I can do is to sink into the moment and reflect on whatever comes to mind when I think about my trip back to my heart. I already knew Sara and Simba (or so I thought) the two lovely souls who are holding space for all who seek to develop their understanding of themselves and to heal on a deeper level. Who do you really know, really? Or do you really want to limit those you know by your knowing?
My trip to Chiang Mai, Thailand, was planned with the intention to grow and no planning can allow growing, therefore the trip was very much characterized by a big “don’t know”. The trip provided with many moments which was experienced with discomfort which offered an opportunity for me to ask myself “who is experiencing this discomfort?”. Every time I discovered that it wasn’t me being uncomfortable I could let go of whatever emotions that arose. When asking such questions to oneself and reaching the conclusion that whatever stuff that’s not yours you let go of, you grow. You grow until the suit you’re wearing becomes so tight that you start to question who the tailor is. So you become the tailor yourself.
At this moment it’s crucial that your environment allows you to change, that the expectations of who you are from the people who think they know you aren’t too much of a burden. Sara and Simba didn’t. They were aware of the process and provided the space for the unfolding.
Now becoming your own tailor is quite exciting. Who am I? The question offered a too wide selection of suits. I could wear anyone of those suits. So instead I asked myself “Who am I not?” and the stuff started to fall off. I still don’t know who I am and maybe there’s not an answer to that question. Stuff is still falling off though. The lesser I am the lighter I get. “Heart work is hard work” was a saying I often came across being with Sara and Simba. Indeed it is a process of returning to the heart and although the trail can be narrow and emotionally challenging at times it’s worth it. Letting go of my emotions allowing feelings to pass by without me clinging on to them is a wonderful experience of just being in the flow of life.Thank you Sara and Simba for a life changing stay filled with love, compassion and forgiveness. Writing this I realize there’s a wish that our trails might cross again and again and again. Expectations and their attachments not allowing me to fully enjoy my gratitude, the beingness of life.
Ah, thank you sweet letting go into the vast don’t know.